i'm so proud of you martha
every time dad said those words i
cringed have you ever felt like all you
needed was approval from this one
important person in your life and for
some freaking reason they just
never gave it to you yeah well same hi
my name is elsa
martha is my twin and all my life i've
been competing with her for dad's
approval
and failing miserably the first time i
remember hearing these awful words was
when i was three years old we were
sitting at the dining table and when mom
put our food in front of us
i grabbed a knife and fork and started
cutting up my vegetables
i had to admit i was a pro at it oh wow
where'd you learn to eat
like that look at her but dad was too
busy admiring martha who had her face in
her bowl like a dumb little puppy with
gravy dribbling down her face
that's my big girl eating all by herself
i'm so proud of you martha
wait what you called that eating i
picked up my love of books from dad and
by the time i was four
i could read fluently after finishing
everything at home i begged mom to take
me to the public library one day and i
was like a kid in a candy store
one night when dad came to our room to
read to us i whipped out the seventh
harry potter book from under the bed
daddy let's read this i can't wait to
see how it ends
you've read all the harry potter books
yes and they're
so amazing i love just then martha took
out a book from under her pillow and
nearly hit me in the face with it daddy
please read this to me
i couldn't read all the words and her
book sounds stupid
it's not stupid goldilocks and the three
bears is stupid
what are you two years old no i'm like
four you idiot then why do you want to
read books for
babies because we are babies
i'm not but you're a big crybaby
that's enough elsa martha honey tell me
where you got stuck
i'll read it to you and i'm still very
proud of you
it was always the same we'd learn
everything together and she got all the
praise even if i was five steps ahead of
her
i didn't mind it too much at first i'd
read in a book that parents can be like
that sometimes
showering the dumb kid with extra praise
to encourage them
but then something happened that really
made me lose my temper for the first
time
since my vocabulary was really good for
a kid my age mom entered me in the local
spelling bee for gifted youngsters when
i was seven
i was the youngest participant and i won
first prize
i couldn't wait to go home and tell dad
look at my trophy dad i won
just then i saw martha's pouty face with
fat tears rolling down her cheeks
i want one too dad immediately snatched
it from me and pushed some chocolate
bars in my hand instead
there you go martha daddy is very proud
of his little girl
um hello what for and what about me i
just stared at him for a minute then i
rushed off to my room
slammed at the door as hard as i could
and threw the bars in the trash
ten minutes later i took them out and
ate them while sulking on my bed i just
didn't get it why was it so hard for him
to say that he was proud of me too
later that night i snuck into the
kitchen and sprinkled salt on his
oatmeal
and i felt so happy the next morning
when he took a big spoonful and spat it
all out
dad would sometimes take me and martha
to his office because he said we'd be
running the company one day
once when we were heading out martha
said she wasn't feeling well and she
stayed back
i felt really happy secretly i'd get to
have dad
all to myself dad had a board meeting
and told me to sit quietly in a corner
his boss did not look happy with
everyone
guys our data is indicating that sales
have gone down this past
quarter we need to come up with
something new something exciting
as everyone looked at each other blankly
i had a great idea
so i raised my hand what is it kid i
i read in the new york times that smart
watches for teenagers are going to be
the next big tech gadget
everybody looked at me in surprise but
then a big smile spread on his boss's
face
that's brilliant we don't have anything
for teenagers
who's this genius kid instead of looking
proud dad just looked embarrassed
i'm so sorry i'll make sure to leave her
home next time i didn't understand why
he was looking like he was mad at me
when everyone else seemed to think i was
a delight
are you insane she's amazing i would be
so proud of her if she was mine dad
just nodded and glared at me the second
we got home he rushed straight to
martha's room with the gifts he had for
her
i missed you so much today it really
wasn't fun without you
i felt shattered at hearing those words
just then
she got out of bed and showed dad the
painting she'd been working on
martha that's so beautiful it was a
painting of spongebob and his starfish
buddy
i thought it was really ugly actually
i'm so proud of you martha i'm really
glad you're better
watching him hold her tight for so long
made me want to cry
mom and dad thought i had tears of joy
because my sister was feeling better
but they were just tears of anger i
wanted to rip her dumb painting into two
as i grew older i couldn't help thinking
maybe dad loved martha more
because she was the prettier twin
everyone thought she looked like an
angel with her blonde hair and blue eyes
all the boys in school would be asking
me to introduce them to her
geez the girl could have her own tv show
everybody loves martha
it wasn't until the 8th grade that
someone finally noticed me
it was our science teacher mr martin he
saw that i was always done with my work
early and he started giving me more
advanced physics books to read
one day when he asked me about what new
thing i'd learned i told him i just
loved quantum physics
mr martin took his glasses off as he
looked at me in surprise
are you saying you actually understand
those concepts also
yeah i think so next thing i knew mr
martin had taken me to the principal and
asked if i could be allowed to take
advanced level maths and physics tests
and it turned out i did really well in
all of them the next day my parents were
called in and the principal beamed at
them
you must be so proud of your daughter
yes we are very proud of martha
no i'm here to talk to you about elsa
she's quite the little genius
we want to bump her up a few grades dad
looked confused
but what about martha will she be bumped
up too
sir martha is an average student at best
she's fine where she is
well then elsa can't move up either
imagine how that will make martha feel
she's a very sensitive child thank you
for the offer but elsa will stay in
eighth grade i couldn't believe my ears
was he for real later that night at the
dinner table i ate my food in silent
rage
as usual dad was busy asking martha how
her day had been
it was great thanks to your help i gotta
be in my history assignment oh and i'm
starting cheerleading practice tomorrow
that's wonderful darling i'm so proud of
you if i heard those words
one more time i was going to explode i
banged my glass down on the table
and what about me dad are you proud that
i'll be finishing high school earlier
than most of the other kids
dad what is she talking about dad
clenched his jaw
we've had this discussion elsa you're
not moving up a few grades
no actually i never got the chance to
speak how could you do this to me dad
this is for your own good you should
thank me instead of being a total brat
who do you think you are how would you
feel if your boss stopped you from being
more successful
i would actually be so grateful to him
because he knows what he's talking about
just like me right now
you can't hold me back because of martha
it's not my fault
she's dumb i don't know why you think
you're smart
trust me you're just dumb you only have
confidence not smartness
no i'm smart martha is a dumb one do you
hear me
i regretted the words as soon as they
were out of my mouth martha looked hurt
for a second
then her face turned vicious it would be
much better for my popularity if my
nerdy twin sister wasn't in the same
class
no one even likes you why do you think
they don't like me because you're a
weirdo
not true it's because you kept telling
them nasty things about me
you think i don't know do you care about
how that makes me feel
what about you dad are you happy about
this martha is just joking around you
don't have to make a big deal out of it
you're a monster and so is martha
like daddy like daughter mom pushed back
her chair and stood up
enough all of you i think it would be
better for you two to be apart
so elsa will be changing her grade and
no one is dumb
or a weirdo and then she turned to dad
angrily i can't believe you you're so
selfish
selfish why because i want the best for
your kids for my kids
or just for martha you think i don't see
you stopped seeing a long time ago
but i can see your pity from a mile away
and with that
she left i looked at dad but he just
flung his napkin down on the table and
walked away
i didn't care anymore i wasn't going to
wait around for him to say those words
to me
i was bumped up to ninth grade and
finished high school 2 years before
martha we never had much in common but
in the past couple of years
we'd really grown apart she wasn't doing
well at school and was always more
interested in going to parties
and hanging out with boys but dad was as
blind to her fault as ever
look what's arrived in the mail mom i
just received my college acceptance
letter to mit on full scholarship
as mom squealed in delight and hugged me
suddenly dad walked in and snatched the
letter out of my hands
you never told me you're applying to mit
what will you study there
quantum physics that's what i've always
loved but you never asked he crumpled up
the letter into a ball
i own a tech company how will you manage
if you're too busy studying stupid
theories in a research lab
i'm not interested in taking over your
company dad you should train the
daughter you are really proud of to take
over
and we both know that's not me well then
hear
this i'm not going to be paying a penny
for your college
and with that he stormed out of the room
that fall i moved away to boston and got
a job at a coffee
shop to pay for my expenses i stopped
talking to dad and martha all together
mom kept in touch with me and sometimes
sent me money in my last year at
university i was clearing the tables at
the coffee shop one day when a regular
customer
leonard walked up to me he'd been coming
every day for six months and
i had the biggest crush on him hey elsa
i've probably spent hundreds of dollars
on coffee just to see you every day so
how about i cut to the chase
i think you're beautiful and smart and
i'd like to ask you out wait he thought
i was beautiful
growing up under martha's shadow i'd
never really seen myself that way
we dated for two years and then we got
married only mom attended the wedding
from my side
i found out from her that martha had
dropped out of college and run away with
some loser boyfriend who had promised to
make her a big model one day
your dad's really heartbroken and has
just thrown himself into his work even
more
a year later i gave birth to a beautiful
baby girl anna
leonard was so supportive of my career
and always told me how proud he was of
my achievements
and it was the happiest i'd ever been
until the day i got a phone call from
mom
honey you have to come home your dad's
had a stroke i flew back home
immediately seeing dad looking so weak
and sick made my heart hurt
i sat by his side and took his hand i'm
here now and
everything's going to be okay dad was no
longer fit enough to work
and i knew what i had to do i left my
dream job and moved back home with my
family and leonard and i took over the
company's operations
one day i was looking all over for anna
when i found her on dad's bed
reading out loud to him i saw that he
had tears in his eyes
she's just a little genius like you do
you remember how smart you were
do you remember that dad he took my hand
and drew me close
i'm sorry that i wasn't a good dad to
you i just always felt martha needed my
love and attention more
i shouldn't have treated you the way i
did i thought i didn't care by now but
my heart soared with joyous he said the
words i'd been longing to hear my whole
life
i'm so proud of you elsa